Fay

Here is a picture of our yard when we arrived home tonight curteousy of Fay! We went to Panama City for a wedding and came home to some yard work. It will have to stop raining for more than 5 minutes for us to clean all that up! Glad it wasn't anything major!!

Gabe's 1st Day of School

Gabe had a good 1st day! He got a little scared on the bus but when he saw our neighbor get on he was better. The only other thing he told me before running off to the neighbors to play is that the twins from his preschool class were there too. I guess no news is good news!

Here he is standing outside his room!

The Heart of a Child

Lately, I've had a similar conversation in different situations. It's the kind that you eventually realize is God working on you; Growing you, pruning you or teaching you. Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about faith. The topic seemed to go straight into the common question of "Why does God allow suffering." In any conversation on this topic no answer is good enough and is always dismissed as a "nice response." You just can't convince anyone about a loving God when they ask this question. They are already committed to the fact that He is a harsh, unloving, uncaring God and "life" proves it. If He even exists that is. At the same time, my Pastor has been going through a sermon series on Job. A book focused on bad things happening to a good and holy man.

Tonight, I ate dinner at a friends house with a huge group of all of our friends. When I got there, the door was opened by a friend I hadn't seen in a very long time. Jay and Joanna Mitchell (Jay was the Student Pastor at Canopy Roads when we first joined nine years ago) were in town visiting. It was great to see them and their family. After we ate dinner, Jay told all of us how God has called him to plant a church in Greensboro, NC. This is very exciting and I know, just hearing him speak that he and Joanna are destined to do big things for God. It was inspiring. My son Gabriel sat listening to Jay's story. He was being great and just playing silently while Jay spoke. I had no idea he was listening. Jay began to speak about the struggles and pains that have come with the decision to start a church. It's a reality that I found both scary and refreshing. Scary that, yet again, God has allowed serious struggles for a true follower of Christ (starting a church no less), but refreshing in Jay and Joanna's unbelievable attitude of faith in God's plan. I was inspired. But not ready for the conversation on the ride home.

Gabriel apparently was listening VERY intently the whole time. When Jay was speaking, he had mentioned that one of their struggles was needing to find a house and not knowing how they will sell their current house, etc. Gabriel leaned in and whispered "do they need a home?" I responded, rather dismissively, "They're just looking for one, buddy." On the way home, Gabriel wanted much more clarification. WAY more than I expected. He asked me again about Jay and Joanna's home. "Daddy, that man that was talking...does he not have a home?" "Yes, he does, buddy." I said. "He's just moving and following God. He's starting a new church and needs a new home. He needs us to pray and he needs money to do God's will. It costs money to start a church." Again, I thought that took care of it. Then from the back of the car came a very sincere sounding, "Daddy." "Yeah, pal," I said. "I'm confused about three things." "What do you mean," I asked. "One, (yes, he counted them out) I don't understand why tree limbs fall on people, like when you were camping." (Explanation...I went camping one time and had a "widow maker" limb fall two feet from my head as I slept. This disturbed Gabe.) Two, I want our city to be good. And three, why didn't that man have a home?" Confusion central for me..."What?" I said again. "What do you mean?" He then went on the clarify and I kid you not..."I just don't know why bad things happen. I don't want people to get hurt (at this point he started tearing up and his voice started shaking). Why does that man not have a house and I just want my city to be good." I was floored. It was one of those..."did my child just become a philosopher all of the sudden" moments. He was talking about suffering and why bad things happen to good people.

Yet again, I was faced with a conversation about suffering, but this time, it was with my five year old son who is struggling to understand life, pain and even death. His next statement was even more deep. "Daddy, I don't know why people have to get hurt and die." I said, "Well, buddy, sometimes things happen and sometimes people get hurt, but we just have to keep living and keep helping people and just be happy. We can't worry about stuff like that. You don't have to worry about that. Okay?" I said. He still continued, still upset, "Like my great, great Granddad. I wish he didn't die. I wanted to see him." he says. (I mentioned my Grandfather a month ago and Gabriel wanted to know where he was. I had told him that he had passed away. That's the last we spoke of it until tonight.) Then he truly starts to cry, though trying hard not too. "I don't like it when people are hurt and die. I don't want you to die, or mommy and I don't want to die." Noah chimed in at this point "Or MOMMY!!" he said in agreement. Gabe continued, "I just want everyone to be good and not have anything bad happen and not die." I was truly amazed at his empathy (realize that all of this came from his serious concern over Jay and Joanna's home situation) and I began to realize the degree in which he was becoming aware and fearful of realities of life. Specifically, that pain and death happens to everyone. Again, I just reassured him that we're okay and even if bad things happen, we just need to stay strong and help each other and other people (what can you tell him?????). I just kept telling him that he doesn't need to worry about that. "God says not to worry," I told him.

Later, as I was putting this wonderful, innocent five year old to bed, I worried about his little mind racing with thoughts of suffering and I was saddened. I don't have an answer. I just don't. Then he rescued me in a way that I couldn't for him. He was chatting as he got into bed. This is his favorite time to bring up "heavy" conversations. But, this time, it didn't feel like he just wanted to stay up. Again, he asked about Jay's home. I said, "He's got one, pal. He's going to start a church and needs us to pray and needs some money for the chruch. That's all." I then turned out the light and in the darkness, without hesitation, I heard him say, "Daddy, we should pray for him now." "You're right..." and before I could say anything else, he prayed his own prayer for Jay and Joanna. He asked for them to find a home, to be safe and to have "all they need to make a church." I'm very proud of him and I have learned more from him tonight than any intellectual conversation. Just pray with your heart and the innocence of a child and let God worry about the why.

9th Anniversary present

Jonathan wrote me this for our 9th anniversary! I wanted to share!

Just the Beginning

We have a story, you and I.
A book to be written, a sonnet to be sung.
Evidence of our destiny to be one.

When we met, our dates never included roses and fine dining, and not even as much as the occasional flirt.
Instead we spent our time, at age 5, playing tag and sitting in the dirt.

I often wonder and delve into memory,
And I think the answer is yes, even then, I knew what you would mean to me?

In that time of celery sticks, games and freeze tag winning,
Who was to know that it was just the beginning?

It was forever apart, it seemed, before we were found.
Middle School was our new playground.
Tough times for me and good ones for you.
And yet, our friendship somehow stayed true.

I think it was your touch, your smile and your face.
A good conversation every morning, in the same place.
I don’t think you know how you left my head spinning.
And somehow I knew it was just the beginning.

Again I left you for another two years.
I had to get away from all of the fears.
I had no idea that when I saw you again
It would be in a whole new way, so much more than a friend.

It started very slowly, an occasional glance your way.
But then by tenth grade, I thought of you every moment of the day.

Again, it was your touch, your smile and your face.
But most of all, a good conversation after lunch, everyday in the same place.

I remember the day that I realized the truth.
I was so in love, and in your hands was my fate.
Yet, I was too good of a friend for you to date.
And so I impatiently decided to wait.

For three more wonderful years we grew closer as friends.
For those same terrible years I had to hear of your boyfriends’ sins.

I wanted so much to hurt anyone who put tears on your face.
Yet, I was glad that you came to me for hard conversations in a safe place.

Time went on and not to take credit or say that “I won,”
But our love and life together, had just begun.

In college you were finally ready to roll the friendship dice.
I have to thank some of your friends for giving you that advice.
On New Years Day, Nineteen Ninety-Eight,
My dream finally came true and we began to date.

There are no words to describe my emotions that night
I woke my sister to tell her “I kissed Kelly Argenbright.”
It sounds so funny, but it’s true.
I was astonished, amazed, scared and excited about a future with you.

Here we were, just barely twenty, and all our hopes on each other we were pinning. And yes, it was only the beginning.

Nine years have now gone by since you became my wife.
What we’ve experienced in that time could fill a life.

The first 3 years brought us a home, two degrees, a dog and a child. We were never exactly considered wild.

Year four was rough and not what we expected.
But sometimes God leads you through the desert to give perspective.

Year five was another wonderful year.
We came back home to friends and a community we hold so dear.

The blessings kept coming as we added another son.
Now we had two and this was going to be “fun!”

Years six and seven went by extremely fast.
It’s so hard to believe all of this is in the past.
In year eight we had another boy, who wasn’t so light.
But to our surprise and sadness, to come home safe he would have to fight.

Year nine has not been easy, but what makes it okay,
Is coming home to you and our family each and everyday.
We’ve had new challenges, jobs and choices.
We’ve listened to advice and friendly voices.

We’ve gotten through it together and the future is very bright.
And still I look forward to seeing you each and every night.
After nine years, it’s still your touch, your smile and your face.
But also, a good conversation each night in the same place.

Thank you for being my friend and my wife.
I love you.