What Happens Next?

The times I've looked away from you,
You've made your path apparent.
Why is it so unclear now,
In the midst of your presence?

I see your work, in retrospect.
The path already given me.
It is beautiful to see.

I could spend my life walking backwards;
Studying your great work.
What a fool I would be.

To gaze upon the perfect past
Is to miss the perfect plan.

What happens next, my God?

The path behind me,
So wondrous and so clear.
Yet the path before me shadowed.
Shrouded in mystery and uncertainty.

Father, let us whisper now.
What happens next?

My eyes are shielded, perhaps with doubt.
Poised, my foot lifted, I am ready to take a step.
Which direction shall I go?

If this knowledge is to be withheld
Until it comes to pass,
Then bless my mortal patience, Lord.

Forgive my constant questioning.
For I wait anxiously to know,
What happens next?
In which direction should I go?

Walk a Little Slower...

I received this poem from my family on Father's Day. As I was rushing off to church, I made it a point to stop and enjoy the breakfast that Kelly had made for me (with help from the boys). I was then presented with this poem. It hit me more than Kelly expected. More than I told her. It reminded me of the father I want to be. Of my responsibility to not only do things for my children and take care of them, but to teach them how to take care of themselves. It isn't about telling my children what time it is. It's about showing them how the watch works.

To each of my sons, I say this. I want to walk a little slower, son. And so, I will. I promise.

Walk a Little Slower Daddy

"Walk a little slower, Daddy."
Said a little child so small.
"I'm following in your footsteps,
and I don't want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast.
Sometimes they're hard to see.
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For you are leading me.

Someday when I'm all grown up,
You're what I want to be.
Then I will have a little child
Who'll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right;
And know that I was true.
So, walk a little slower, Daddy.
For I must follow you."

Wisdom and Ambition: Incompatible?

All of us have seen the Christian “Fish” bumper stickers. Most of us have seen a Darwin version eating the Christian version and another “Truth” version eating the Darwin. I wonder. Could we apply the same illustration to wisdom and ambition?

We equate wisdom with peace, knowledge and stability. We equate ambition with energy, risk, and instability. If we are ambitious, do we blow by and miss the peace and knowledge? If we focus on wisdom, are we too caught up on peace and stability that we miss opportunities in life? Are these two traits incompatible? Does wisdom eat ambition? Does ambition prevent wisdom?

This question is one of relevance to me as of late. I look into the eyes of my sons and see the determination, the energy, the youthful edge that all children have. No fear. That, ladies and gentlemen is ambition at it’s purest. Children have it. Oh, so much more than you or I. Afraid of nothing…..until they grow wise. A child will conquer the furniture by the time they are two. Climbing up to the summit of Mount Leathercouch, the heroic Noah plans to prove his superiority to gravity by jumping, sans parachute, to the base below. No fear. And he will have no fear, until the moment dad isn’t there to catch him. One time is all it takes and he is immediately “wise.” He will then tell other preschool superheroes “Think not, young ones, of jumping from Mount Leathercouch. For yours will not be a successful landing.”

A young boy runs to his grandfather and claims, “Papa, I am going to be President when I grow up!” The grandfather responds, “That’s great, my child, but first you must register to vote. Once you’ve registered as a Republican, you need to run for local office. Establish yourself in politics for a few years. After that, we send you to the Senate. It will require a lot of work and we’ll have to sell a lot of lemonade to get you there, but it can be done. Finally, we raise a few million and you’re off to the White House. Great idea!” We all know that isn’t how it goes. We feed ambition at a young age. We all tell our children, “You can be anything you want to be.” At what point did our elders stop encouraging that ambition and begin calling it “youthful arrogance?”

Here is my struggle. I thrive on being ambitious. I sit here under the fluorescent light of my office and wonder what’s next. What couch can I jump from and how will it end. I can’t wait for the excitement!! Then I realize that I’m not a child any longer. I find my ambition waning in favor of stability, for that must be the wise decision. Is this true? Must I truly give up ambition for wisdom? And if so, wisdom is just a consolation prize?

Road Not Taken....

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Today I was pondering my decisions in life. I'm young. I know that. Yet, I have been blessed enough to have made several life decisions that many my age will not make for a while. Most of those decisions have been the "one less traveled by" and praise God they "made all the difference."

Kelly and I are currently making several big decisions that will guide our future together. I thought today of Robert Frost. It has been years since I looked upon his words. The last I read the words of The Road Not Taken it was with the eyes of innocence and naivety. I took it as any 17 year old boy would in high school. He meant "Be risky! Go for it! Be different! Take the road less traveled and damn the consequences!" (sorry, but in high school that's what I would have said) I read it much differently now.

As a father; a husband; the leader of my household and only income my decisions impact much more than they ever have...and they aren't just my decisions anymore.

So, I return to his poem.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Wow! My heart races when I read it. Without a doubt, I want to take the one less traveled by! But...is it wide enough for my minivan? Does it have rest stops for the kids? Do they have security? Gas stations? Have we budgeted for the trip; for this road may be a little longer? Dang! I lost Noah's pacifier! They better have a Wal-mart on this road! Much more to consider these days.

And yet, as a driven, stubborn, determined and admittedly opportunistic man, I can't tell you how much I thrive on the idea of claiming "I took the chance and I was right." I desire to be the hero. I long to make that decision; choose the road that gives my family the life I desperately want to give them. Not material, but Freedom; Protection; Security. I guess, perhaps I haven't traveled as far from the 17 year old boy as I thought.

Coming Onboard

Alright. The world stage will never be the same. There is a Conrad blogger. (Hey! Where did everybody go?)